Helga (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} skadhisgydhja) wrote in dancingsinging, |
Amazing post, Eva. Thank you. I've been struggling with similar things, to some degree. I've got such a normal, conservative-looking life that people assume I'm straight and have no compunctions about showing off their homophobia around me. It infuriates me. And it's somehow harder to stand up and say, "Hey, when you talk about gay people like that you're talking about me" when I am safe from discrimination if I stay silent. I've always been a little glad, secretly, that the person I fell in love with was male so I didn't have to face the possible rejection of my parents, community, etc. But sometimes I hate it, because I have to make an effort to be recognised for who I am. I hate that I have to justify myself and my life if I claim to be other than straight. I'm not hiding it, but because I'm not flaunting it sometimes it feels like I am.
All my friends who claimed to be bisexual when we were younger seem to have decided that they aren't, really, or that it's only a small, unimportant part of their sexuality that isn't worth thinking about - it was just the "college experimentation" phenomena, I guess. But for me being bisexual is a huge part of myself. It's central to who I am and I'm not willing to try to deny that part of myself just because it's not "cool" anymore. When sometimes I forget to acknowledge or express that side of myself for a while, I end up miserable. Sometimes it even takes me a long time to realise why.
Being a bisexual who happens to be in a heterosexual relationship I've always been leery of the label "queer". I don't know - maybe a combination of not feeling I had the right to use it and not wanting to admit I was that strange? Whatever the reason, I've recently decided that I need to be honest with myself. I AM queer. It's time to embrace it. And I'm genderqueer, and I'm polyamorous. I've no urge to be a political activist, but I will lead a bold, honest life as a queer person, I'll include queer characters and themes in the stories I write and I'll call people on their shit when they show their prejudices. I think that counts. I hope so. :)
Sorry to write such an essay! Anyway, I miss you. Call me sometime; maybe we can hang out. And I'd love to have someone to talk to about this kind of stuff.
All my friends who claimed to be bisexual when we were younger seem to have decided that they aren't, really, or that it's only a small, unimportant part of their sexuality that isn't worth thinking about - it was just the "college experimentation" phenomena, I guess. But for me being bisexual is a huge part of myself. It's central to who I am and I'm not willing to try to deny that part of myself just because it's not "cool" anymore. When sometimes I forget to acknowledge or express that side of myself for a while, I end up miserable. Sometimes it even takes me a long time to realise why.
Being a bisexual who happens to be in a heterosexual relationship I've always been leery of the label "queer". I don't know - maybe a combination of not feeling I had the right to use it and not wanting to admit I was that strange? Whatever the reason, I've recently decided that I need to be honest with myself. I AM queer. It's time to embrace it. And I'm genderqueer, and I'm polyamorous. I've no urge to be a political activist, but I will lead a bold, honest life as a queer person, I'll include queer characters and themes in the stories I write and I'll call people on their shit when they show their prejudices. I think that counts. I hope so. :)
Sorry to write such an essay! Anyway, I miss you. Call me sometime; maybe we can hang out. And I'd love to have someone to talk to about this kind of stuff.
